October 2011

October was the last month I got to stay at home with my baby girl. I watched a lot of Law and Order SVU, visited friends and family, and did some shopping. I also played a lot on Pinterest which caused me to be very crafty. I made a fall wreath for my door, made some bows for the girls, and did a lot of photo editing. I finally felt productive with my time off.
As I was exploring the possibilities of Pinterest one day I had Law and Order playing on the TV in the background. The episode was titled "Missing Pieces." In short, the parents in the show had claimed that their baby had been kidnapped. When they finally found the baby and began the autopsy, they could find no cause of death. This caught my attention, because the doctor just kept running tests and could find nothing. I put the computer down and really listened to the ending of the story. I was so curious as to what they'd find. The result was SIDS. The doctor explained that when there is no cause of death to be found, they rule it as SIDS. The parents thought for sure they had done something wrong which is why they were claiming kidnapping in the first place. The police let the parents go without charges. I could not believe what I saw. I could not wrap my head around the fact that SIDS was actually no cause of death. I thought it was suffocation, or choking, or even aspiration. But, no cause of death?? Wow, how unsettling right? There was a reason my TiVo recorded that episode, and there was a reason I watched it. When all of this happened with Avery Kate I totally understood everything the coroner and doctors had told me.
On October 16, 2011 we baptized sweet Avery Kate into the Catholic church at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Lake Charles, LA. It was a wonderful ceremony. Father Keith is just amazing! Avery Kate did not cry a bit nor did she ever make a sound. She wore the same baptism gown that Brandon once wore when he was baptized which is the same one that Hallie wore just two short years ago. Looking at the pictures of Hallie on her baptism day and Avery Kate on hers, you cannot tell them apart! They were both so beautiful and angelic. I picture Avery Kate to be somewhat like that right now. My youngest brother Kyle was the Godfather and Brandon's sister Jenny was the Godmother. Our family and friends came over to our house for gumbo after the ceremony, but the most important guest of all was my paw paw. I never expected him to be able to make the almost two hour drive from New Iberia. I had tears of joy in my eyes to see him walk through my door. It just meant so much to me to have him here.

Thursday, October 27. Avery Kate turned 8 weeks old. I dressed her in our favorite Hallie hand-me-down dress and took her to Accessory Zone to get her ears pierced. She was such a trooper. There were tears, don't get me wrong, but they were dried up by the time we got to the register. We left there and went to visit our friend Lindsey and her new baby Charlie. Avery Kate and Charlie were only 17 days apart. We had a great visit and then came home to show dad the new earrings! We sat out in the driveway on that beautiful afternoon while Hallie drove her little car around and waited for Brandon to drive up.

On Monday, October 31 I had to go to back to work. It was Halloween and we had teacher inservice so I thought that would be the best day to go back. I dressed Avery Kate in a Hallie hand-me-down onesie that said "Baby's 1st Halloween." Of course it had the matching socks and hat. I dropped her off at Honey and Pop's house, the same babysitter Hallie went to when she was a baby. They only keep babies up to 18 months old, so Hallie was no longer there. I was totally comfortable dropping her off there. I went to school, which was literally right around the corner and shed only the smallest tear. I was sad because I felt like time had flown by! She was already 8 weeks old. I knew I wasn't having any more kids, so the thought of my baby growing up so fast just frightened me. Of course she did fine with Honey and Pop that day and I rushed to pick her up the second our meetings were over. We both went to pick up Hallie after and rushed home to get ready for trick or treat! I bathed the girls together and dressed them in their matching Halloween outfits for picture time. After that I changed Hallie into her candy corn dress that Mrs. Christy made. Brandon came home from work and we got in the car to go to Chad and Holly's house in the neighborhood across the street from ours. My mom came and met us there. We went from house to house in the big double stroller and had such a great time. We even got to see Mr. Keith, Mrs. Christy, and Jenny along with many other friends. I sure was exhausted after a long, long day. We came home, changed, and went right to bed. I had to get ready for my first day with kids the next day, and after the sugar-filled night I was sure they all had, I was nervous!

New Orleans

Thursday, September 29, 2011. I pack up my car for our first over night stay. It took me almost an hour to get the bassinet for Avery Kate to sleep in, pack n play for Hallie to sleep in, Avery Kate's bouncy seat, one clothes bag for each girl, a bag with all the toiletries, a bag for the formula and gallon of water, and let's not forget about clothes for me to wear. Brandon had to work and was then going hunting in Texas. This was probably a good thing because I didn't even have room for him to sit! Terri (my step mom) had her family coming in from all over the country for a family reunion. Most of them were going to New Orleans, but I just couldn't bring my one month old baby to New Orleans to sit in a hotel room all weekend. I thought I'd just visit with them Thursday night and spend the rest of the weekend in New Iberia with my mom, brothers, maw maw and paw paw, and my aunts. Well after hearing everyone talking about the New Orleans trip all night Thursday night, I just knew I had to go see my family. I spent the night in Youngsville Thursday night wondering how I would be able to leave my baby.
Friday my family all headed to New Orleans. I packed up the girls once again and headed to New Iberia. Avery Kate got to meet my maw maw and paw paw for the first time as well as my aunts and cousins. We had a great day visiting. I wanted to take both Hallie and Avery Kate to watch my brother Kyle's high school football game. Maw Maw insisted that the weather was just too cool for Avery Kate and she should babysit. Of course the weather was just fine, but she needed an excuse to keep the baby. My nannie, Mona, was also staying at Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house after having an emergency hysterectomy 3 weeks prior. They were all thrilled to keep Avery Kate with them for a few hours.
Hallie had a blast at the "foot-game" and cheered for Uncle Kyle the entire time. The game was awesome and the panthers won! I kept thinking about how much fun the other side of my family was having and how I wanted to go for at least one night. Now I never left Hallie over night until she was much older. How was I going to leave my 4 week old baby? My mom said she could handle both girls over night and didn't mind if I went.
The next afternoon I hugged my babies good-bye and left for New Orleans. I cried for about the first twenty minutes of my trip. Then, I get a speeding ticket. Seriously?? It was a speed trap, really it was. After this, I'm thinking, "What am I doing? I'm leaving my newborn baby to go to New Orleans." I just felt terrible and I thought hard about turning around and going back to my mom's.
Once I got to New Orleans though, I saw my family and had the greatest time. I also got to meet baby Gavin (my cousin's baby) who was just a few weeks older than Avery Kate. It was a great reunion and a much needed night out.
The next day I drove the long drive back to New Iberia, watched some of the Saints game at Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house, and repacked the car...AGAIN. My mom kept saying what an awesome time they had together. I was glad they had that "girl time." We went back to Youngsville for some of my dad's awesome gumbo. My grandma from Opelousas was also there to meet Avery Kate for the first time. We ate and visited with the family. It was pretty late so we tossed around the idea of staying the night in Youngsville. Brandon didn't want us on the road after dark, but I just kept thinking about loading my car up yet another time. I couldn't do it, so we drove home in the dark and made it just fine. It was a long, but wonderful weekend! I was very glad to be home though.
Now that all of this has happened with Avery Kate, I have realized why God pushed me to leave Avery Kate with my mom that night. She would have never had the opportunity to be with the girls by herself. This was such a cherished time for her and I know she holds it close to heart. Once again, God has left me with no regrets.

Here is a picture of the girls in MiMi's bed cuddling that night.

Something's not right...

Friday, September 23, 2011. I had been congested during the week and I felt like Avery Kate may have caught it too. She just didn't sound right. Our regular pediatrician was out of the office so I texted my friend Sara to see who I should see as a backup. I didn't want her to go the whole weekend being sick. My Text message to Sara read, "Poor baby is just not herself....I know she's 3 weeks old but still. I know how she is already." I went in to see the doctor and he told me how babies breathe through their noses and she was OK. So weird right? I swore she was sick. The following week my baby girl still sounded like a little piggy. I brought her in to see HER doctor this time. Well you would know he told me the exact same thing! Avery Kate is healthy and happy, she's OK. WHAT!! I hid my face as I walked out because I just felt like "one of those mothers." I was so embarrassed until our doctor said, "Brandi, come by any day this week or this weekend. I will check her out again if you think something is wrong. Don't feel bad for caring about your baby." That made me feel much better. We left and went home.
I'm so glad that I went the these two doctors because I am rest assured that nothing was wrong with Avery Kate and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent her death. God made sure I had two different opinions that way I knew she was OK. I have no regrets. She honestly was a healthy baby. Looking back at these few weeks, I think God did this for a reason. He saved me from wondering....
What if something was wrong and I could have fixed it? What if I missed something? I never think that, and I am so relieved and blessed that these thoughts aren't going through my head. God was looking out for me, and I know he still is.

Newborn Pictures

September 14, 2011...my original due date. I'd been thinking about this day for the past nine months, and now instead of being in labor all day, I got to hold my baby girl all day! We had plans to take her newborn pictures with a local photographer. I still wasn't released to drive yet so my friend Ashley was spending a few days with us and agreed to drive us there and help out. We picked up Hallie from Mrs. Kathy's and headed downtown with a car full of clothes and props. I couldn't wait to get Hallie and Avery Kate's pictures together! But I was even more excited to use some of Hallie's old hats and bows and see how much they looked alike. When Avery Kate wore that purple hat with the huge flower on it...she looked identical to Hallie. The only difference in the two was that Avery Kate had beautiful blue eyes, where Hallie's were brown. I love those eyes! Anyways, It was the longest photo shoot ever, or so it seemed that way to me! I wasn't supposed to be lifting Hallie, but she had to potty, she wanted candy, she wanted gum, she didn't want to smile... and the list goes on! The photographer also keeps it warmer in her studio when she does newborn shots so the babies can be all cute and naked and not get cold. So I was sweating! Avery Kate did pretty well, cried every now and then. I'd feed her and then we'd keep on going. Thank goodness I had Ashley there to help me, because it was so overwhelming with a newborn and a two year old.
So I get my picture proofs a few days later and for some reason I was not impressed...at all. I literally cried all day long and demanded we re-take the pictures. Well the photographer was not willing to re-do them for free and I was just devastated! I kept looking at all of the pictures and crying! I even set up some baskets and blankets around the house and tried to re-do them myself, but they were horrible. I kept crying and crying about these newborn pictures. Even Brandon was like, "Brandi? Why are you so upset about pictures?" I didn't know, but I just couldn't stop crying.
I went back online and looked at the picture proofs. Then it hit me. There was a picture of Avery Kate sleeping in a suitcase. To me, what did it look like? A coffin! Yes, a coffin! I just thought no mother should ever have to see her child in a coffin and realized those pictures were the ones that upset me so much. I immediately texted a friend and asked her to take more pictures for us. She took Hallie's pictures and we loved them. I knew I had to retake these pictures of Avery Kate or I would regret it forever.
I went to Kasha's house one Thursday. Her camera lens was broken so she just used my camera. I have a really nice camera so I knew they'd come out great. It once again felt like the longest day ever! Hallie was not cooperating once again. She was eating blue fun dip, chewing gum, playing with my phone, and just being a little turkey! I had a bad feeling about these pictures just because of how terrible Hallie was acting and of course, Avery Kate would get newborn acne just in time for the close ups! Poor baby girl! We spent a couple of hours taking pictures at Kasha's house and then went out to the salt water barrier to get some good outdoor shots. Kasha made me get in some of the pictures with the girls, and I just thought, "My hair is horrible, I'm tired, my body isn't like I want it to be yet, and she wants me to take a picture!" I honestly figured I'd take them and then delete them because I knew I'd look terrible.
Kasha sent me the link to the pictures two days later and I fell in love with every single one of them! I even liked the pictures with me in them...ha! I was visiting with Maw Maw and Paw Paw when I saw them for the first time and they were oohing and aahing over them just as much as I was. Maw Maw wanted one of each! She just kept saying, "Oh that's my favorite. No that's my favorite!" I was so happy to have the pictures I wanted. And now, those pictures with my girls and me are worth more than gold.

I am adding "The Picture" tonight but want to stress that I still loved many pictures that the original photographer took. This particular one just upset me as you can I'm sure see. The picture at the top of this blog was also taken by the same photographer and I am thankful that she gave it to me :)

Our first 2 weeks together

After Labor Day weekend ended and the crowd settled down, it was just Avery Kate and me. There were many movies and Law and Order SVU episodes watched during those first 2 weeks. Not to mention how much Cancun cheese dip I put away. So much for losing my baby weight right? I'd feed Avery Kate at around 10:00 every night. I'd put her to sleep in her bassinet right by my bedside, and everyone would sleep through the night. When I say everyone, I mean Brandon would sleep, Hallie would sleep, Avery Kate would sleep, and of course Sadie would sleep. Me? No way! Avery Kate slept on my side of the bed and she sounded like a game of Angry Birds. Seriously! She would snort, snort, snort, and squeal away all through the night leaving me wide awake. She sounded like she was choking a few times, and I immediately jumped up to her rescue to find her sound asleep; not a care in the world. Wonderful, just wonderful. Here I am worrying myself and shining my cell phone light on her sweet angelic face, and she is just dreaming away into Never Never Land? Well that's fair! I always heard people talking about how they were so sleep deprived because their babies screamed and cried all night, or woke up hungry throughout the night, or had colic, etc. But here I am with a sleeping baby, and I'm not sleeping. Something was wrong with this picture.
I'd wake up around 6:00 AM to feed her and then swaddle her up really good, and put her back to sleep. I'd fall asleep while Brandon got ready for work. I'd wake up again around 7:30 and dress Hallie. I'd kiss them both goodbye, and I was out like a light. Avery Kate no longer sounded like a game of Angry Birds, she slept so soundly during this time. I used to wish and pray that she could sleep this soundly during the night hours. Around 10:00 I would yank myself out of bed and get in the shower. Avery Kate would never make a sound. She looked like a little angel in her bassinet; just sleeping so sound. I'd get out and fix her bottle then contemplate whether or not to wake up such a peaceful baby. I would though because I knew I didn't want her to get too far off of her feeding schedule. I'd feed her, and then hold her for a while as I watched any and everything that TiVo had recorded for me during the night. I remember being so bored because she would never cry. She just sat there and looked around or slept silently... all day long! I mean, I wasn't complaining, but geeze... 8 weeks of this was sure to get old. At least I knew I'd be able to drive in the days to come, and then at least we'd get to go shopping or visit our family and friends. But for now, I was bored out of my mind! I even thought about going back to school before my full eight weeks were over, but then I remember thinking..."Brandi, you'll never get this time back with her. Ever. She'll grow up while you blink your eyes, and you will never again be able to sit at home and stare into those beautiful blue eyes again. Don't go back to work. You will never get this time back." I never knew how much those thoughts meant; never thought they'd be THAT true.

Going Home

I remember that morning very well. STORMING! I think I may have seen a few cats and dogs falling from the sky because it was raining that bad. My mom, brother Jacob, and friend Lindsey waited at our house for us to get home. I put Avery Kate's bow in her hair and just smiled. This was the same bow Hallie wore home from the hospital a little over two years ago. It's so funny how time flies by so quickly. Brandon picked her up to put her in her carseat. She looked so tiny and cozy. I snapped a few pictures of them together with my camera and our phones. Brandon started loading the car as I snuck in a few more (or maybe a lot) of pictures of my sweet girl. I just couldn't believe she was mine and that I was now blessed with two beautiful daughters. "Look out Sadie girl! There's two of them now!" was my facebook status that day. Our yorkie, Sadie, had no clue what was coming to her. After forgetting cel phones and pillows, etc we finally made it home. Sadie jumped into the car before I could even step out. We took Avery Kate out the car and brought her into our bedroom where we could practice our swaddling again. After a few attempts, we knew we needed to pull that DVD out and watch the instructions again. Brandon's mom came over and rocked Avery Kate, of course Hallie and Sadie joined her in the recliner too. We put Avery Kate on the floor and let Hallie really check her out. I will never forget the faces she made at her or the squeaky, high pitched tone she used when she talked to her. Is that what we look and sound like when we talk to babies?? Hallie was already the best big sister in the world. She helped me feed her and even got her diapers for me. She ejnoyed every minute of it. I thought for sure she would be jealous with someone else getting all the attention in the house, but nope....Hallie was on cloud nine with this new baby sister in the house. All my fears were then put away. I knew everything was going to be OK and having two little girls was going to be just fine.

Our first full day with our baby girl

September 2, 2011. It was a Friday and we had many visitors coming in and out all day to visit and meet our newest addition. There were many times that I was left alone with her though, and for some reason I remember being really nervous. Why was I so nervous? I mean, I've done this before. What's different? It's like I knew something was different but couldn't put my finger on it. I noticed she acted like she was gagging sometimes, and it freaked me out. Her little chin shivered at times but I just assumed she may be cold. Her right leg also did the same shivering thing, but everyone told me this was all normal and she was OK. I know babies do things like this all the time, but for some reason, they worried me. I had shrugged these thoughts off knowing deep down that I was over reacting and my baby was just as perfect as everyone had told me.
More pleasant memories from that day are the times when I could just hold her and stare at her beautiful face. I can still close my eyes at this very moment and see her sleeping face on that day. I remember her "new baby" smell. Gosh, why don't they just bottle that stuff up and sell it! Isn't that smell just so comforting? It just reminds me of the innocence of a child. AMAZING!
Next they come to do the hearing test on Avery Kate. My good friend, Elise gave birth to baby Hunter back in March. It was then that they found out he deaf. These types of things never worried me before because they just don't happen to anyone you know. Well Hunter's situation really hit close to home. You can have a perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery, and perfect parents, but things can still go wrong. I was scared out of my mind when the nurse took her to do her hearing screening. I remember holding my breath unable to read her face. Finally I just asked her, "Is she doing OK?" And then I saw the smile...whew! She said, "She's doing just great." And then here come the waterworks! I know she thought I was crazy with tears rolling down my face after she assured me she was OK.
The rest of that day I held my baby close and gave her so many kisses. I just kept telling Brandon, "I just love her so much!" During my 9 month pregnancy I had often wondered how there would be any more room in my heart for another child. These moments proved that the heart is like a balloon and can hold more love than anyone can ever imagine.