Today, our sweet Avery Kate would be 7 years old. Seven. No matter how many times I say it, I still cannot fathom it. How can my little baby girl be seven years old? How is my baby spending yet another birthday in Heaven? It just doesn’t seem right. Usually this day, her birthday, brings me so much joy, but I seem to be struggling with it this year. I look back on one of the greatest days of my life and try to smile. I remember that smile I had seven years ago. The “ignorance is bliss” smile. I remember watching Hallie’s face when she saw her sister for the first time. It gave me a feeling that is unexplainable, just amazing. September 1, 2011 was simply the best day ever. I look back at all the photos from that day and I miss those people. I miss that Brandi. I miss that care-free smile I wore. I miss that calmness I possessed. I wasn’t afraid that my baby would ever stop breathing, and I surely was never afraid to put her to sleep. Those were the good ol’ days right? Thank goodness we didn’t know what was ahead for us, because nothing will ever replace that joy and happiness that we experienced that day.
I have a different smile now, a different calmness, and many many fears. This whole experience has changed me; it’s changed all of us. But what I like to do on this day every year is spread a joy and happiness that’s equivalent to how we all felt on this day seven years ago. She made my world a better place and I know she would love if we continued the tradition. Today, I will laugh through the tears and smile through the storm and truly make this day feel like her happy birthday. Happy birthday to my sweet Avery Kate! Mommy loves you and misses you every second of every day.
