For some reason Father's Day was a whole lot harder on me than Mother's Day was. It could be because I had already thought of a ton of projects to make for Brandon from Hallie and Avery Kate. I blame Pinterest for that. I had pinned all sorts of ideas of pictures for the girls to take for Brandon. I stayed home one day and decided to get everything done for Father's Day all in one day. Well I literally cried my eyes out the entire day. I was looking through pictures and trying to decide how I would make something special. Maybe I should have just went to Dillard's and bought him and my dad and shirt, but that just wasn't good enough in my eyes. I ended up taking Avery Kate's birth paper work from the hospital to a local photography shop here in town. They scanned and copied her footprints for me, and I made a little card for Brandon with them. Then I took Brandon's favorite picture of Hallie and put a sweet quote on it and had it printed on special paper. I also made photo collage's for my dad and Rene. Once it was all done I felt a lot better, but it sure was hard making it through that day. I don't think I really had a day like that...ever. I've never stayed at home and just cried. My body needed that. I guess it's just all part of this grieving process. We did have a wonderful Father's Day and spent the day at the zoo in Lafayette. It was the perfect end to the week!
I also realized these past few months that many people still wonder in their minds what actually happened to Avery Kate. I thought I would clear up just a few things:
- She was not on her belly.
- She did not smother.
- She had not received her 2 month vacinations...yet.
- We did not smoke nor did we allow anyone who had smoked to hold her.
- She was on a firm matress.
- She had not eaten within the last hour and did not aspirate on spit up or vomit.
These are answers to some of the questions that I get along the way, and others are either common misconceptions or questions that parents don't want to ask. I know it's easier for some parents to think that we had to do something wrong and there has to be a cause. As scary as it is, we didn't. No one did anything wrong. I realize it's easier to think that but the reality is that it can happen to anyone. SIDS does not discriminate. We just never thought it would happen to us. Life sure was a lot easier when we thought we were invinsible! Now that we prepare for baby Aubrey, we are worrying about breathing monitors, etc. This experience will just be so different.
We talked to our pediatrician, OBGYN, and MFM doctors about SIDS. They all pretty much said the same things to us. Nicotine was the main factor they had seen in previous cases. They were all shocked that this happened to Avery Kate, especially since we did not smoke. The MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) doctor examined Aubrey's brain, spine, lungs, etc. in a very detailed ultrasound. He said everything looks perfect and he does not need to see me again. This made me feel a whole lot better, although, Avery Kate always looked fine and healthy too. I guess there are some things that we just will never know.
Here is a website on SIDS. It has a list of all the causes, incidence, and risk factors. Keep in mind that we did not meet any of those. Not a single one! http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002533/
It's all in God's hands. We know that we did everything we could to protect our little girl. We aren't the ones in control. As hard as it is, we have to "Let Go....Let God."