Avery Kate

Avery Kate was a healthy ten week old baby girl who went to sleep for a nap and woke up in Heaven. We miss her every second of every day. SIDS became a reality in our family and we will never forget our beautiful baby girl.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


The day finally came where we would have to transition Avery Kate's room to Aubrey's. I'm using the same bedding but I thought a coat of paint and a different color crib sheet would change the whole look of the room. As hard as it is, I want it to be Aubrey's room.
I had already cleaned out all the items that I would not be able to reuse for Aubrey earlier this summer. That wasn't as hard as you would imagine it would be. I had all of Avery Kate's clothes separated in her closet. I had a small little section with her super soft Kissy Kissy gowns and her Kicky Pants gowns with her name on them. She rarely wore anything else. I wanted her to be a baby as long as possible since I thought she was my last baby. I just kept her in soft little baby gowns as much as possible. Cleaning out her closet was as simple as just gathering that section and pulling it out. I left the Hallie hand-me-downs and of course the things Avery Kate never had the chance to wear. Cleaning out the drawers was also easy. I just grabbed the bibs and burp cloths that had her name on them. So I figured I was done. Don't get me wrong, I grabbed with eyes full of tears and a heart hurting from the memories these things brought me, but it didn't take long and it wasn't hard to decide what I was keeping and what I needed to take out of there. I left everything in a pile on her changing table.
Well when it was time to paint, I had to take her canvas down from the wall and move her stuff out. The act of moving everything out of the room is what killed me. Honestly, that was the hardest part of all. The minute I took everything out of there, it was no longer Avery Kate's room. To me, that was closure. I'm still not too sure how I feel about it, but it had to be done.
My dad, Terri, and Mrs. Christy came to help us paint the room. It was a very bittersweet day. I know I need to get happy about Aubrey and get in that "I'm so excited I'm having a baby" mode, but it's just so hard. We all got the room painted (step one of three) and had a really nice day together. It was just hard not to think about Avery Kate the whole time. I really don't think she minded though :)
I still wasn't sure what I was going to do with Avery Kate's canvas. It was a really special part of her room and I had many ideas about what I could do with it. The idea I decided on makes me happy. I hung it over the bed in our guest room. To me, she still has a room in our house and she can "watch over" any guests who spend the night. I never want her to memory to fade.

Hallie was confused with the whole transition at first. She kept asking us if Avery Kate and Aubrey would share a room and wanted to know why we were doing all this stuff. She gets it now though. She knows that it's Aubrey's room. I slip up sometimes and refer to the room as Avery Kate's, but I think that's normal.
Overall, I am beginning to get excited about Aubrey and I've even started buying her little things. That's the fun part! Deep down, I am scared to death for her to be here. I'm scared as to what my life will bring with this new baby and what kind of mother I will be. I don't want to live my life in fear and I don't want to constantly try to protect my baby from the world. I realize all parents live to protect their children, but I don't want to drive myself crazy trying to prevent the day from moving on. I'm also nervous that once Aubrey gets here, Hallie will forget about Avery Kate. I know she was so young when this all happened, but I don't want her to forget her sister. I know she will always have pictures to remind her, but I want her to have memories. She saw the double stroller in the garage the other day and told me she wanted to ride in there with Avery Kate again. She wanted to stand up and watch Avery Kate in her car seat like she did "yesterday." That's a memory she has of her and her sister and I want her to hold on to it.
I think and hope by the time Aubrey is born (due October 15) all these thoughts and feelings will be settled. Until then, my plan is to be excited about having a baby and get myself in gear for a new school year come August.
*Here's to positive thoughts and a healthy baby!

This is a picture of Aubrey's room so far. This is the back wall and will have her bed against it. We will paint a tree next week and I have ordered a canvas with her name on it. It will be similar to Avery Kate's because it was just so perfect in the room, but it will be different in some ways to make it her own.

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