First off, my spring break consisted of a 4:00 AM trip to the hospital to get fluids. I kept getting sick and knew I'd never make it through "Easter Party Day" at school without some serious medical help. The nurse that helped me was my nurse when Hallie and Avery Kate were born. She walked in and just started talking. I felt like
God was speaking through her though. She told me that she had heard about Avery Kate's passing and wanted to share her thoughts with me. She said she believes that God knows each baby's fate. He knew Avery Kate only had a short time on earth ahead of her so he put her in our lives. He wanted to be sure she had the best life and the most wonderful, loving parents. He wanted her to make the most of those few short months and He just knew WE were the parents for her. She said she sees a lot of babies die with her job, and it is a very sad day when she grieves a baby the most; simply because the parents don't care. She said if God would have given Avery Kate to a drug head, she may not even know she was gone. Her parents would not even miss her. So God knew we would keep her memory alive and we made a purpose for her and her life. I had never heard of it put that way. Normally we hear how God only takes the best which is why he picked her, but that never made me feel better. This actually made more sense to me. I get upset when I think about people not loving or caring for their children. I often wonder why God wouldn't save them from abuse. Why pick a happy and loved child? What she told me made perfect sense though. He put her with us to have the best life before joining him. So I'm thankful that he had enough faith in us to do the job. I have no regrets in her life and I honestly feel like she had the best life that she could have had. We are the lucky ones who got to spend every moment of it with her.
After leaving the hospital that morning, my entire day was changed. I had a smile on my face even though I felt horrible! I also felt a bit of relief from those words. I made it through the day at school, and the Easter party was a success. The rest of my week was spent on my couch in Lake Charles, my Maw Maw's couch in New Iberia, and my dad and Terri's in Youngsville. There was no fun in the sun at all. But at least I know this little baby will be worth every second of sickness!
On Saturday night, the night before Easter, Hallie put out her Easter basket and we read her Easter books. We said her prayers and she went to bed. I was so excited to "be the Easter Bunny!" I started filling her basket when I realized something was missing. Avery Kate didn't have a basket or even an Easter egg. It was just so hard to be happy when I knew in my heart there should have been two baskets on that table. I took a long bath and calmed myself down. I needed to get it all out so I could be truly happy when Hallie woke up the next morning. I did and I slept really good. I woke up around 8:45 for my usual sickness routine then Brandon and I decided to go wake up Hallie. That girl will just sleep all day because she did not want to wake up! Her little expressions were just priceless! She made all of us forget about what wasnt there that day and remember to be happy with everything we do have. We had a wonderful day!! The family came over for lunch and Hallie got soooo much stuff you'd swear that Santa Claus passed right along with the Easter Bunny!!
Even though our spring break really wasn't jammed packed with lots of fun events, I sure did learn some meaningful truths about our life. We are lucky. We are blessed. We have a whole lot of wonderful things in our lives and I choose to focus on that. I miss that baby girl every day and my heart still aches, but I know I will see her again.
Happy first Easter Avery Kate! We love you and miss you :)