Avery Kate

Avery Kate was a healthy ten week old baby girl who went to sleep for a nap and woke up in Heaven. We miss her every second of every day. SIDS became a reality in our family and we will never forget our beautiful baby girl.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Premonition

Saturday, November 5, 2011. 7:00 AM. I feel my phone vibrate underneath my pillow. I feel it even though I'm sleeping, but I mean...really? 7:00 on a Saturday? All of a sudden my mind starts racing. What if something happened to my paw paw? Oh my goodness! I have to wake up and see what's going on. I look and my phone, and sure enough, it was my mom. My heart starts pounding as I slowly press the button to call her back. She told me that my paw paw's best friend died of a sudden heart attack about an hour earlier. I just couldn't believe it. Paw Paw was the sick one. "Uncle Roy" as we called him, was perfectly heatlhy. He had just met Avery Kate two weeks before and just came back from a cruise a few days ago. I was in shock. I pulled up his daughter, Lauri's facebook. I looked at pictures of him with his family and just couldn't imagine what their family was going through. They had some great pictures with him, and I remember thinking, "What great memories they have together."
So I'm lying there wide away at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. For those of you who know me, you know this is a rare moment. Brandon was asleep next to me, Avery Kate was asleep in her swing, and Hallie had somehow made it to our bed during the night. I thought about Uncle Roy some more. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. He seemed so healthy ya know? I also thought about this next week I had coming up at school. I couldn't wait for Friday to come. We had off for Veteran's Day and the date would be 11-11-11. Brandon had to work, and I couldn't wait to spend the day with my girls.
All of a sudden I had some sort of day dream. I was wide awake, but it was still very dream-like. Brandon was not home. Hallie was sleeping in her room and the door was closed. Avery Kate was next to me in our bedroom in her swing and something was wrong with her. I don't know what was wrong with her, but she needed medical attention. I was freaking out. I didn't know what to do. OK, I thought, I will call Ellen down the road and tell her to come sit with Hallie while I take Avery Kate to the hospital. No, She doesn't always answer, I'll call Amy on the other end of the road. I'll just close the garage and give her my code. OK, wait, what if she doesn't answer either? I can't leave Hallie alone. What if she wakes up and no one is there to get her? OK, so I'll put Avery Kate in her carseat and.... no that'll take too long, I'll just hold her in my arms and drive down the road laying on the horn and the first person to come out will jump in the car with me and we'll go to the hospital together. I had all of these thoughts go through my head and I just never came up with a solution on what I would do. I quickly shook my head and thought, "Brandi, why would you think of such morbid things. Stop it right now." And I never thought of that moment again. I quickly put Avery Kate in the bed with us and just held her tightly. Then I took my phone out and took pictures of all of us in bed together that morning. The entire family in bed, it doesn't get any better than that!

I truly believe that Avery Kate was supposed to die on Veteran's Day, 11-11-11. God knew that I could not handle that and instead, that is the day we put in her in the ground. I know that God will not give you anything you can't handle, and he knew that I could not handle that situation at home. He changed it...for me. I am at such peace with his decision and I know that is a huge reason why I am OK today.
Never once did the thought of calling 911 enter my mind....never! I just knew I had to get my baby girl to the hospital. I would have never forgiven myself for not giving Avery Kate the proper care she needed to stay alive. I can't imagine what I'd be like today if this would have indeed been our story. Hallie would have been scarred for life too. We would be much different people. I thank God every day for not letting this happen to me, and every time the clock hits 11:11 I think of Avery Kate. Her hospital room, the day we buried her, 11-11. Although, I do smile when I see the clock now, because I know she is with me.

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